We first met...

I still remember how we first met. 4 years ago at United Square Mall, both of us happened to be the facilitators of the same game booth. we got to know each other well after you went for your lunch break, and took your sweet time coming back as well. All the while me having to 'go' , way before you left for your break. The moment you came back, I screamed at the top of my lungs saying "WTF have you been I've been holding it in for damn long time!" or something along that line. I left running for the washroom and you laughing your ass off, and a couple witness joining in with you as well. Ever since then, we traded numbers and I got to know you then.

We lost contact for 3 years. But I do recall us messaging each other one day talking bout our lives. Just once. Then again we lost contact. Then came along Snapchat. I still managed to keep your number till then. So then I thought, screw it, Lets Snapchat. We've been snapchatting since then and talking again after so long.

I have no idea how or why, But we eventually got together. I'm not complaining. You're a very pretty girl and have a very unique personality so I'm very happy that we got together. But good things always don't last, and we broke up due to... unseen circumstances. We tried to patch and make things up though. You have even meet my parents, heck you met my extended family already. We got together, and then not, and again, and not. In and out of  our relationships.

I mean, I understand you're not ready for us to be together, so I respect it and let us be friends, But everytime you say that you want us to remain as friends, I wonder if there is really another reason behind it. I don't even know why someone as great as you would like the likes of me. I have nothing,

Now we are at that point where we stay as friends, and I can say I'm hurt, and a little tired of waiting. I don't even think we're cut out to be a couple anymore. Maybe I'm not the right guy for you. All I know is, I don't want to see you hurt, but I don't want to carry on something that will end up nowhere, I'm confused. Let's settle it. Please?      

Made to do this

To all my other viewers, this isn't a blog post for you. This is a request from V , since I will be out of SG for a couple of days, Don't worry folkes, the next update will come soon.


- Read this part only if you are V, or not who cares I can't stop you -

Hey Val, so here is the blog post you requested. Sheesh, you're damn demanding you know that?
Hahahaha I'm happy that you and your BF have made up after countless arguments and stuff. For once after so long, I've seen you actually happy and smiling again. Really great to see you happy again. Now from here on out, even though you have your job, dont forget to have fun at the same time. Also now I hope you remain this way for a long time. Everything that you have done and accomplished now, is all because of you. Dont let others put you down already. Its all in the past , don't let it affect your present which will eventually affect your future. It depends if you take them to affect you. If not, its just useless words.

Also, rmb your friends who are always there for you. The ones who have your back all the time. They got your back, so have theirs as well. Friends for life are in the dust, you just have to live life normally and let your personality attract them to you. Hhhahah I know you can do it.  We all have your backs. Keep looking forward alright?? Fighting !

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Betrayal

Hey Raylamence back here.

Sorry for the long awaited update loyal readers, but recently I just completed My GCE O'Levels a couple days back, and just had my prom a couple hours ago. It has been a wild and crazy ride drama and action that I'll get to in just a minute.

So erm, if you realised that my style of writing has changed, I just cant find my deep and sentimental self to write this evening. So this would be my causal self writing tonight. Even though its 2.30 in the morning, hahah... Lets start of with O levels.

O' Levels was shit? Hahahaha, but in all seriousness, I screwed up most of my components. I wasn't in my right state of mind, i guess I'll be retaking exams next year?

After O levels, comes Prom , which I just ended a couple hours ago. It was alright I guess? Nothing out of the ordinary, The best part was the performances , even though my table was blocked by a damn pillar. Well never mind then. I took many Polaroids for my friends and I, but due to my carelessness, I dropped all of mine on the way home. Just reached home finding majority of them anyways, Now kept safely in my folder. The only part I couldn't stand, was seeing one of my best friends, a girl whom I respect and treat as my younger sister,Nair (Alias),  acting mushy and flirted by the guy who stabbed me right in the back. I'll get into more detail.

So this guy, honestly he WAS one of my closest friends, and I thought I could trust him with anything. Me and Jay (Alias) , WERE his two closest friends, and we helped him a lot when he got into trouble with the law and authorities. What were they? I wont go into detail, but lets just say Jay and I helped this guy, lets call him Dog (Alias) , from avoiding the law and saving his ass so that he could continue his clean record and go into medical school in the future. We saved his ass again and again cause he is the most retarded guy on earth and did opposite of what me and jay told him to do to avoid the cops. Yet, he did those opposite actions and that caused and landed him into more trouble. Just when we thought things were finally getting normal, I caught him in the act again ( Don't worry, Dog didn't steal or shit, but honestly I wished he did so he could be caught earlier) , which I thought he would wash his hands off the situation. I caught him talking to THAT girl, which he promised never to talk or even go close to her ever again. Guess what, they are using the secret location in my school that I showed to him time after time again, to meet up , yet he keep saying it was the last time, it was the last time. Bullshit. It was only the last time after O levels. By then I already lost most of my respect and trust for that guy. He was literally demoted to just new friends, right above acquaintances. Eventually over time , I thought he was coming to the light, my trust for him was slightly building up, then it happened.

I was newly attached during O levels, but recently broke up due to complications. This girl , I had no idea had feelings for me, and I introduced her to some of my other friends. Now this dude, Rock (Alias), happens to be very fond of her. So as a pep talk, I encouraged him to go for her. Then I have no idea how, she and I got together. Now i kept it a secret for a short period of time, till a friend's birthday , Aaron (Alias) . We all left his place and I separated from the group. On the way back home, Dog told Jay about Rock liking my (in the past) girlfriend, and unless I go to him for help, Dog will assist Rock in getting my (in the past) girlfriend, and he already had a plan formulated in his mind of how to do so! Like seriously try to steal her away from me?! And Plus, HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND. WHY THE F*** WOULD SOMEONE DO THAT!? When I heard the news from Jay, I was raging and trying not to cuss but all the words came out. <Insert cuss words here>  It was then I knew I had befriended the wrong guy, and that caused my hatred for him to grow ultimately stronger.

So to get to the point, after realising what he said and planned , when I was him flirting with Nair today, I just raged that he would F*** up her life as well. I couldn't stand the sight of them acting flirty in public, and do you even know whats the most fucked up part? He has already dated these girls, and all of them are from the same clique. So after a R/s didn't work out, he went on to another one, and now ANOTHER ONE, Nair . Can you not see how messed up this is? Is that girl clique not seeing anything wrong with the picture?? AH F*** KNCCB --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------We Interrupt your Story for the author to cuss all his rage out---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Anyways, I really care for Nair as she is also one of my closest friends. I cant bear to sit by and watch them. I groan and grovel every damn time he flirts with her. Fast forward about 1 hour later, he approached me to ask for a photo. I thought I could control my emotions well, so for the heck of it, just took the photo with him. Right after that, I just couldn't hold it in any longer. The Guy who stabbed me right in the back has his arm on my shoulder and I'm forcing to a smile. That was it. After the shot, I got one guy to back of from talking to him , and started to threaten him that should Nair be hurt in anyway I would be coming for him. The moment he said that they have already went out or are going out, ( I don't know which, but I still know it isn't good either way) I raged at that moment. Mentioning indirectly his incident and plan of attack towards me to get my (in the past) girl. He had a questionable look in his eyes, and before I could do anything else, one of my other friends dragged me away, as he knew things would get messy if I didn't leave . Jay and the others told me not to rage at him now, calmed me down and I carried on the night trying to keep my composure.

I just really wish for Nair's happiness and safety. The dog bastard won't know what would be coming his way if he really took things too far. Moral of the story, Even though you think that you a person inside out, you have to expect the unexpected. As in this case , I didn't expect my best friend to turn against me. Never judge a book by its cover, has never been so true, but even knowing a person, be wary of knifes that will may be hidden among your friends.

Going for an interview for work next week, and going to Cameron Highlands and Kuala Lumpur  for holiday soon . Who knows? Maybe I'll have more stuff to share by then?

Little notes and stuff to readers? J? You've moved to NYC, and I'm really happy for you. Happy Belated 15th birthday again. Just wish you'd say hi more but since our time differences are the cause, I understand your pain of adjusting to a new life. I dont blame you, but try to say hi more ? I really love to talk to you again after so long ^^

SK ? Hahaha finally got that update you wanted ? Well here you go, sorry if it isn't what you wanted. I'll promise to write more about more interesting stuff soon.

V, i hope you've grown to be more understanding and carefree , and sorry for not messaging you back this evening,  Please be more cheery and carefree .

More stuff to come soon. Stay frosty guys.

Story so far...

1 month away from Prelims, and 3 months away from O levels. The stress is building up and so does all the bullshit that comes with it. But that isn't what I want to talk about, as examinations although are important, i wanna talk about the future after O's. What i intend to do while waiting for my results to come out. There is a lot actually. But the first and foremost one, is probably to settle my friendship and relationship troubles. Yeah i have drifted from my clique due to the up coming examinations, and i intend to bring the wrong group back together. As for relationships, its getting kinda messed up. Past ones coming back , new ones popping out. Here is the deal , I don't mind being in a R/s, but I'm afraid of the people i will eventually hurt, including the one that i may be dating. So I have no idea how to deal with these situations at the present moment.

Went vegetarian for 4 days, until my junior fed me Shrimp crackers which broke my streak. Thanks a lot again by the way *rolls eyes* Although I enjoyed my experience of being a vegetarian, it took a toll on my body as isn't used to that diet. Well its in the past now, so lets move on.

Homework troubles are starting to pill up in front of me, and I just want this to end. Its already hard enough to revise the topics I am currently weakest in, yet all the homework start to pile up, the ones that I'm also weak in such as Principle Of Accounts. Managing all of them is hard enough already, and now other factors are getting in my ways of studying. That would be ambitions and friendship, as what I've mentioned earlier.

Friends that I thought I have lost just came back out of the blue, and started things off as if nothing has happened between us yet. That although I'm grateful , still hurts as they disappeared without any warning and left their friends all alone , as if they have been abandoned. Yeah that feeling, that feeling if being abandoned. Well even though its a thing of the past now, It still hurts to talk to them without tearing up a little, from both happiness and frustration. Friends that were once so close now drifted due to the upcoming examinations and trust related issues. Then there will be girls. Girls that get in between the friendship, then the guys start to fight over her, then the bond weakens. This also applies if only one guy likes the girl but his best buddy (Even if he has no feelings for the girl) spends more time with her than his 'bro' that likes her. While on that topic, friends get dumped by their partners , friends get together to BGR , friends who couldn't care less about the world and just goes solo. Eye-candies pop up every now and then, but in reality, they are just there as a moral boost to let one know that they have something worth fighting for. Then Exs' come back, and we become friends with them again...some of us do anyways. Just don't know how to continue the conversation sometimes but yeah, i do miss the friendship. Don't take it the wrong way though. As I said in Para 1, I'm still afraid. We all have that one time when we all just dumb and make wrong decisions. We all just need to learn how to adapt and learn from it, not complain . It wont solve anything . This applies to everything in life, including breakups.

Getting more moody these past few weeks, probably due to fatigue and stress about everything in life. Can't even keep the people I care for close to me. When I do, i just screw up and make things worse. Then I met Lily Jie (Big Sis). Shes a woman I met recently in Kampung, the place i volunteer at every once in a while, and I heard that she was able to help out with problems. So I approached her for help. After giving her my birthdate and mixing up the numbers, she was able to tell my personality and traits instantaneously. Not really recalling everything she told me, I know she told me that my personality was actually quite good, balanced in alot of aspects such as leadership and planning and all. Then she told me my flaws. The longer she goes on, the more rational it gets, and it did. I remember all the flaws that Lily has pointed out to me.I don't prefer to communicate, and also I don't like to communicate to others. I always like to confined into my own comfort zone , unwilling to try out new things. I'm not adventurous. It dawned on me that it was true, as i didn't like to mix around with new people when they came down for the last bash Balik Kampung. From there I realised it was true, due to me unable to communicate to some of them as us having language barriers, and I didn't felt worthy, as I don't go back often to help out. Thus, unable to open up my heart to newcomers and communicating with them. Then there is the part where a new situation pops out from nowhere, and I panic from my unpreparedness. I'm unable to adapt quickly to new situations. That's my 3 flaws with my personality, and I know that if I were to work on them to improve them, I would have the confidence to do anything.

Honestly, I opposed to some of Lily's predictions saying that I was afraid of messing up and making mistakes. What she told me actually opened my eyes, and I shared it with another close buddy of mine, he too was also enlightened. We are teens. At this phase in life, we are supposed to make mistakes. If we don't even try to make mistakes, then how can we even learn to be better in the future? This is the time to make mistakes, as when we become adults, society wants us to be perfect to look out for the little ones as it would be their turns to make mistakes. Everyone is Human. No one is perfect. Even a police officer on duty. Although he/she seems to be the model and enforcement of Law, he/she is just another regular human, bound to make mistakes as well. They aren't really different from us. Don't be intimidated by them. They are just regular people in Police attires, enforcing the rules. Deep down , a kid at heart , and will also understand the feeling of making a mistake.

During recess, I like to talk to some of my friends in class. Eventually we talked about what we would be doing after O levels. In one way or another, we came together and agreed to form YouTube channels. I'm still considering this, as I wouldn't have much stuff to put on YouTube in the first place. But in the end, we are all just doing this for the fun of it, and who knows? Maybe we can hit things off and become famous hahaha.

All I know is, that life will get worse each passing day. Its how we deal with it and how we take it to our hearts that shows our strength. It is how we react to defeat, will then show our true colours.

Past 3 months

Hey guys, Raylamence here.

Its been quite some time since i last updated, due to my examinations and events coming up, however I'm back with some new stories to share.

First things off, lets start with the relationship between me and my friends.

I refer to this friend of mine, V. Readers who read my blog may be familiar with her, as she is one of my camp buddies that I've met . Well here is my perspective, even though we chatted and yet you said that no one will understand you, I believe you, so let me share my perspective with you. I also have been having a shitty ride on this adventure we call life, many times that have caused us to feel at our worst. Trust me when i said that we all had our shitty moments. I just had them today during my cross country run. I wont go into detail, but lets just say everything that happened today put me down into one of my lowest levels I've ever felt in my life. However , I will take this as a stepping stone to improve and move forward in my life, and I will never , let anything stand in my way to making myself better. Even my own dark conscious cant stop and deter me from the path I decided for myself, and even though I still don't know where I'm going in the future, but I know that I will do my best so I wont have any regrets. So V, here is my perspective of problems we have, and even though I'm still unable to see society through your eyes, I am pretty sure that ... 'injuring' yourself wont bring any you any more good than harm. I was really shocked to see the image that your cousin had sent to me, kudos to her, if not I wouldn't have heard of your situation and will still be living in shadows from your reality. I am willing and hopeful to be able to assist you on your problem, so please let me. If not, my regards to you, but please I will be here for you as a listening ear or a hangout buddy should you ever need one alright?

My second friend, I'll call her J. I met her quite some time ago on an online chatting site, and we recently started to chat again. She is a sweet girl who packs a punch with her lifestyle , however, she is... like a reflection of my ex, lives in the same area, and have the same birthday too. I ignored that part of her, and yet though she seems too similar to her that I at one point of time when I wasn't at my right mind mistook her as my ex. That aside, She although may have anything that she wants, she doesn't have everything she needs. For example, her parent's attention. She is a victim of this dilemma,  where parents work hard to give everything to their children, but what the child really wants is their love , time and attention. J, I totally understand how you feel as I can see this lonely path that you are taking in life, but even though it feels like shit that your mindset seems to show you that you live alone in this big empty house without any loved ones , try to think through your parents' shoes as they are also doing this for you. However, you should also voice out your need to your parents and let them know when they come back, as they may not even notice it at all. As I told you, I'm willing to help you communicate to your parents if you allow me, as you have also cheered me up whenever I was down ^^ And again if you wanna hang out to forget about society,  just give me a text and we will be on our merry way to relax and de-stress together.

LN is another girl, this time being my junior. She is a girl with a wild character and very loyal to her friends. What she is lacking to her unique personality is confidence. Most of the time you encounter a problem you can usually solve it as you have learnt to solve them on your own. However when problems turn out too big for you, you tend to over-think stuff and get worked up. We can solve these things easily . Don't worry about it . You gotta have confidence! All you need is confidence and you are set . Oh no wait, we will also help you control your anger as well don't worry ^^ Then I can stop volunteering to be your punching bag haha XD

Meow is one of my closest guy friends , and he is going through a similar thing as I am. Having family troubles and all. I'm really proud of you to become the great guy that you are today. He is the guy that has given me the most troubles, but that's what make him one of my best buddies right? Sure he has his flaws...more than the stars in space... on a crystal clear night , hahaha joking! No but seriously he has his flaws, but his flaws are what makes him unique, and with a bonus being a better man with each passing day. Your mindset may still be immature just like us, but we'll grow up together man! Any problems that you may face, you know that I'll always do my best to help you, and make sure you don't stray from the right path. Stay frosty!

Up comes Jay, another one of my closest guy friends. Just like Meow , he was also one of the first few people I met in Secondary school. He's sporty , stylish and loves to sing haha. Sorry I can't be as good as you, I'll work hard to catch up to u. Even when you didn't train, you have amazing stamina that allowed you to clinch 13th position in our 4.6 cross country run . Your pace was too much for me to handle, thus I slowed down, eventually being one of the middle few to cross the finishing line. Even so, I'm really proud of you man, or should I say Batman! We have come a long way since Sec 1, and even though we have our fights, we still be together in the end. No matter what. Stay frosty

Now my school & personal life?

I guess its been real shit these couple of months, as alot of things all came as s tidal wave. I got back my mid term results, and they aren't... good...
3 F9 - Math, Principal of Accounts, Chinese
1 D7 - Combined Sciences
(Biology & Chemistry)
1 C6 - Combined Humanities (Geography & Social Studies)
1 B3 - Design & Technology
1 A2 - English

LOOK HOW HORRID THEY ARE! 3 F GRADES!? I'M SO SCREWED!
Back to studying and slaving away on my study table Zzz....

I've been unable to sleep peacefully these couple of nights due to bad memories and random scary thoughts that come into my head every once in a while, and even from my cross country. I may have completed the course, but I don't feel accomplished at all. I felt that I've failed , and will forever continue to be one should I continue to act the same way I did back at cross country, running the first few miles at a pace i couldn't manage, and then procrastinating from running till the last few miles. I'll be doomed to fail of I do...

I lost my feelings for my crush a couple days back, looking back as how differently she treats me from the others. I don't know if that's her way of communicating,  but I just know that she isn't the one I would like to be with anymore. Just saying. As well as getting this junior off my back to stop stalking me with her eyes everywhere I go. I know she likes me and she already know she's not my type, so please stop being too ... creepy? Sorry that's the nicest way I can put it now :/ We can be friends, but I have no intention in getting together with you.

Although after watching spiderman and X men, loved ones are really important to me. The prospect of losing a loved one, just freaks me out. And yes, a loved one also counted to your partner. It is really tough to let a loved one go, as it took my quite some time living without my grandpa. Its been 7 years since his passing on, and although I'm much better off than I was before, I still miss him . He has taught and loved me , yet due to m immaturity back in my younger years, I didnt learn how to cherish him. Still wish he'd passed down his fishing techniques to me. Well it's reality we are dealing with. There isn't any rewind button.

If people are still asking about a special girl that I used to be close to, yes she's doing very well now. But with honesty , I haven't forgotten about her, and I never will. She was my first love, and thats why she is impossible to forget. You loved that person, and all your best and most romantic memories are of with them. That is impossible to forget so easily. It took me 2 1/2 years to get rid of a crush I had on another girl before, but a love, gonna take way longer than that. Some of you may be familiar with that concept. Moving on, we will get better, but all I'm saying is that when you're with somebody, treasure them. One day they will disappear from your life,  and that will be harder than taking a sledgehammer to the face.

Friends and loved ones are important. Don't ever forget that.

Cure or poison?

There is a time in every person's life where reality comes and sucker punches u in the face. Depending on that sucker punch, that will affect you for an indefinite amount of time. Some may cease within a day, others stretch for a few long good weeks, months or years. Shitty days are a start of such a predicament, and that is exactly just what I have been experiencing these past few days. Relating topics include school, friends , etc. School wise, I've been rushing out of my house these few days pressed for time to reach school, but in the event of my rushes , the schoolwork left on my study table isloated and forgotten, only to be remembered the moment I reach my table . Doesn't seem that bad right? Just a couple of papers, no big deal right? Wrong. One of them includes my notes for that day's test. Long story short, that test was messed up. In addition to my inability to hand up homework, my class's key has fallen out through the hole in my pocket and is now nowhere to be found. So basically I havr to deal with with my school authorities about the key. During my search for the missing key, my friends though it would be a nice time to play a game of tag, with me as the chaser and my bag on the line. I caught the bastard, but injured both of us in the process. This is what I get for patching my friends back together wif each other. They had a fight, I managed to patch them back with a plan that may backfire bigtime, so now they are all trying to get back at me. I wanna ask, what is considered a best friend? A friend whom u can tell all ur secrets to ? A friend who can cover ur ass if u get into trouble? A friend whom ur comfortable around with? These puzzle me, as those seem not to fit my catergory of best friends. So with that I wonder, are they my best friends? Or are they invaluable to me because they gave mr memories both good and bad that I won't be able to forget?

Friendships

Wraping up this week... its kinda horrible.
Why do friends always fight so much? Who are your true friends? Betrayal and backstabbing occuring everynow and then...I just want all of these to stop and start over. Back when we were just Sec 1 students. Where we were all lost in this new school, and only had each other for support. Sure my lower Sec life wasn't that good, but so does my upper sec life. All stinks. Guys, if ur reading this now, please remember all the good times we shared since we met each other. Sure there were bad times, but the good times were dope as hell! Now we are talking foul about each other, it doesn't match up to our memories that we share. Sure we get into fights every now and then, but not till one of us rages and have trust issues anymore. I've been there, it isn't pretty. My immaturity caused trouble for u guys too, and im grateful for getting us back together.  So now it's my turn to do the same for all of u!

Going back to study life, its getting tougher and tougher. Its really feels like hell when u know that ur major exam is coming up anf you're totally unprepared for it. I'm counting on alot of people to help me get through this. Hope u continue teaching me!

Love... isn't really on my to-do list these few days. But looking for that person that truly understands you... I think I may have found one, but my mind may get distracted should I think bout her. Yes, true in the past there was this one girl that I could count on to cheer me up and vice versa, but thanks to me she's gone. Shes a sweet girl u know? But... I guess we men have our flaws. Nvm.. its too late anyway. This new friend who so far always listens and looks out for me, and I hope to do the same for her. We are friends, but close friends.  Hope she doesn't take it the wrong way. She's one of thepeople I look up and respect. Actually,  I respect a lot of people. People whom im close to, I generally will learn something valuable from them. Even if it's something small like being a gentleman, I would always and forever look up to them as my idols. She had it too. Learnt that even though we were not together for long, we had a bond for over 4 years, and that made it all the more special. Hope ur doing great.

Im tired.... tired of all these things happening. I locked my goal to become a weapon engineer,  but if I do that the only place I can work in is in the army. I need an alternative... life.. really stinks

Stress

Alot of stress, fear and frustrations have been inputed into my life these couple of days. My CCA's now dont even make a hell sense, im flopping my common test results, the letter to my damn principal to return sports day, my damn friends who try to put me down, the damn Homework that keeps piling up, no matter how much I complete them, a damn motivational camp that doesn't even make sense, etc.

When these much stuff get onto my mind... well it depends on my physical health. If I'm still fine and healthy, I would just keep my mouth shut and go through all of it. But recently last night I didn't take a break, and worked the whole night through on 3 pieces of work, the type and print of the letter to my damn principal, and was still not feeling well. Today I experienced what I have not felt in a long time, I eventually had chest tightness, and from that with not enough oxygen flowing through my brain, I got a seizure. I managed to fight it, but can have 4 outcomes. The most occasional , anger burst. I would literally curse anything and everything that I saw , with physical blowd to deal with anyone to stands in my way. Most common outcome, I would curl up into a ball, pull my hair and rock back and forth, occasionally losing my mind and havr no control over my actions. The other 2, I will laugh out loud in a maniac tone and they pass out on the floor few seconds later.
Well the hair pulling was what took place today, with all pent up anger, stesss and confusion , I couldn't think and breathe straight.... Just completed CCA and now on the way to POA class. What do you guys do go manage your stress?  Mine obviously is one of the worst ways. Hahah

But there is one quote I live by 'Sometimes I feel like giving up, but then I remember all the motherf****** I have to prove wrong'. This really is the thing I wake our of bed for . Whats yours?

Nights

Midnight now hanging out with 3 guys and gal. You know, going out late at night wif your friends enjoying the breeze and peace of the night, is really relaxing. Your friends also play a vital role as well, they help liven up the atmosphere :)

Lying down in the middle of the playground on a trampoline looking up high into the skies, I rmb all the times I had with her. Maybe it is true, I still care and worry about her. Even if my heart tells me not to love her anymore,  it still tells me that I have to care. Heh messed up feelings

True that I have an eyecandy, but so far it only remained as that. Nothing more or less. For valentines day... yeah sure y not I'll spend it with the people I love the most. The guys. Maybe get a couple gifs for other girls whom I'm close to? Hah sure :)

Exams coming up, and as soon as I wake up tomorrow I have to study. Me and Jishnu have an agreement.  We'll work together as weapon engineers. So far, it has somehow been in my interest. Sure maybe I'll change in the future, but now I'll stick as a weapon engineer.

Walking home late at night let me see alot of couples together.  Meh I feel....empty?  I hope it will be gone soon. My friends noe are all I need. I love them lots.

Next Saturday going for steamboat with camp buddies, and I'm really excited for it.
I just realised,  that starting this year, I amends with a lot of new friends. I'm closer to alot of people,  Daniel, the 2 megans, Larry, Joel ,etc.  This year is getting better :)

I will be personally stronger in all my aspects, and become a better guy. Learn new stuff, work harder for the better. :) Thanks Daniel :)

Haha, I have no idea what else to talk about :) Been too long since I blogged. I like to read my friend's blogs but kinda lazy to update.

Afraid

Hiya guys.
Its 2.35 in the morning now, and I have school in s couple of hours.  But honestly I dont care. I'm too afraid to sleep. Rephrasing that, I'm too afraid of the future. Why?

I know that the future is tough and scary. When I was a kid, 1 week ago, I used to think that I could do anything in the world and not be afraid of it as it wont affect my future. Now, I'm terrified knowing that my future is totally dependent on my grades. The fact that my English tutor tells me stories of how cruel and unfair life is when trying to get a job is not exactly comforting. Not to mention I have to go through the army. Honestly speaking, I admit I'm a coward. Im afraid of almost anything. Studies,  jump scares,  and most importantly, my future. How am I gonna live my life in the future?

My Chinese teacher expects my answer of whether if I would like to drop to basic mother tongue, therefore my grades during O'levels wouldn't be that affected. But I have worked so hard. I didnt want to give uo now! However,  I do not have the courage to tell her into the face, as her tall order of learning her spelling of 20 phrases in 2 days is impossible for me. Me being a F student in Chinese really gives us asians a bad image. Im sorry. Although in the future I will be able to learn those words, now they are nothing but a 10 feet tall wall and all I have is a stool to help me get over. Hoing around doesn't help either with viscous beasts at the side making sure I do not take the easy path. Eventually Ms...teacher. (Sorry paiseh I forgot your name) I'll get over that wall, but now I'll just sit on this side first.

I somehow remembered that twitter existed and visited a couple of tweets by friends and pages. Found hers in accident,  and I have honestly nothing to say. Especially to see that you would be in a fake r/s just so I would be able to let go. Just think for yourself from now on. I'm fine on my own. Our conversations are ending bitter due to my own doing. I just cant bear msging you.
Life isn't fair. So we have to earn for our happiness.

Sad to hear that kampung is closing down . V , I thought u and D are super close since you two made out with each other. So what is going on? I dont msg or see u often at all so I'm pretty lost. What are u aiming for in life? I would like your answer on that. Also, send regards to your cousin. Its been awhile since we had a chat :))

My clique breaking up already.  I dont know what is happening to them. The E3 clique seems much more happy and united that I wish I was a part of them. They really display true teamwork and friendship. But I cant abandon my E2 clique as well. We worked hard together during events. But that achievement isn't what I expected as compared to now, it doesn't help my clique bond. Now we are drifting.  Hahah what should I do?

2 hours to go , im gonna get some rest. Nights!

Life on start of school

Life of a O level student is crazy as hell. I wonder how am I supposed to survive? Crashed with cca duties, homework,  the fact that my teacher is suggesting I drop to Basic Mother tongue so I can focus more on my math, figuring out that my D&T O level is gonnna require 7 months of preparation and that is still not enough,  my math teacher still not able to understand as she is the same teacher as my year before,  and my Chinese is the one whom all claims to be the worst teacher for MT. Not forgetting my goal of finding a scholarship overseas and aiming for a university.  My life as a human will be gone before I know as myself.  I wonder how all my seniors made past this ordeal?

Anyways, its a new record fot me to cry on the second day of school due to my juniors. The fact that their problem is similar to what my seniors had. I wasnt able to protect my senior then so I didnt want to see that happening to my juniors.  But I guess because of my own rashness I acted on impulse.  My emotions got the best of mr and tears started forming. Eventually thr prefectorial board got to know and somehow got involved as well. Wow life is not starting out good for me.

The fact that I am caught in this unfair world make me wonder on everyone who have survived this ordeal and got to the top. How did they do it? Why can t I? Bah it gives me a headache just thinking about it.

Luckily I know that Im not alone. I still have friends who are probably having tge same mindset as me. So let us all work hard together!

2014

A couple more minutes till the end of 2013 and the beginning of 2014. It seems everyone is having fun outside waiting for the countdown party to begin whist I stay indoors ahah. Makes my life look pathetic doesn't it?

Its gonna be my O' levels next year, and honestly,  I'm scared of the outcome.  I have yet to decide on my ambition in life. Thats what scares me. How far can I go in this cruel world? That intrigues me.

The weather has recently been harsh on us today isn't it? Doesn't it make you want to cuddle up with ur loved one and wait for the welcoming committee for 2014? Ahah see that you do. It's not like I'm able to go anywhere.  Haiz... It's about time I get over that incident and change my personality to the person that I think be best for everyone. Secluded away from the world, speak only when spoken to. After all, these is all because I was weak and people treated me as a pushover. Not anymore. Just to give a  word of advice. Dont fall too deep in love ahahah. Okay by 2014 , my change will start. No more weakling , no more pushover.  This year is the year that I will make myself best for me and everyone.

Its about 4 hours to go, I'll think I'll stop here. Have a happy new year everyone.  :)

Questions in my life

Ive been away for so long since I last updated, and I guess it will be that way till I can be free to blog more often in the future. But it has been kinda rough on me the past months and Im seeking for answers.

Where will I go after Secondary 4? Should I aimlessly go to a Poly and drift from there? Or should I aim for a dream? But even so, what dream? What is my ambition?  What is my passion? What do I want to be? That is something I ask myself daily after having a talk to my friends of their future lives.

One migrates to Paris to study fashion in University at 16 , and becomes CEO at age 20 , while another aiming to be environmental lawyer. Me? I dont know. I want to find my passion,  but I dont know if I have one. That is one question I seek. What is my passion and what do I do after O's?

A second question in my mind. Why do I still feel empty in my heart, even after we have not been talking and meeting up already at all. Why is it possible that I always shed tears of sorrow after reading her messages and blog posts towards me? Why do I think of her in my dreams every now and then...But most importantly,  why cant I let her go now? Perhaps I have not gotten over her. Perhaps I need her to fall in love with someone else to let me be free. Then that invisible chain that holds me back will disappear and then we will both be happy. She with her new man that loves her till death shall part them , and I will be able to live life without regrets and worry.

This assumption may be true. So if u are reading this, dear SK, find love with another man. The man that will make u happy. Only then we will both be happy and free. The promise to bring u stargazing, can only be fulfilled in other parts of the world. Singapore has no place for stargazing. So drop the idea if ur thinking of stargazing in Sg. Sorry for the disappointment.

I still have to meet up with others back in the kampong. I wonder when we will all see each other again, and I hope it will be soon .
I miss everyone alot . Perhaps one of them, V or J, can help me get over her, I hope.

My blog still sucks, I know. It may not be completed be end of December. So yeah sorry. I know it is tough to read the posts for people who are on mobile. Just switch it to the web version. Merry Christmas everyone :)

Back with stories

Hey guys , im finally back after being Afk for a couple of months but things are not turning out so good. Its 6.30 in the morning now, cause just like most other Sec 3 all ovet SG, we have an extended curriculum till 8 november. It benefits us, if we even bother to listen in the first place haha!

Back being single and single for good this time. After being in this one, I finally understand the hardship and pain u guys have been putting in to your own relationships. But sincr I failed miserably,  I know u guys can do it :D

Being promoted to Sec 4 next year, but not alll are coming along with me. Guys what will u do if all of your friends are promoting except for 1 friend..who 1 of ur best friendss in the whole world? Yep. My pal anish didnt make it. Its a sad day to know that we all will not be graduating together ... but what can we do right? Its MOE's & the principal's decision to allow who goes where. We can now only give him memories before he turns us away as well. 

My blogger friend ,  who I met in H3ROES camp,  I told u people will be able to see the scars even if u try to hide them, but im glad ur becoming for the better. Its been so long since the last time we met, so I hope to see u soon , before kampung wont be kampung anymore. Oh for info back there, they changed alot since I was last there.  Even yin xiao is in USA studying now. Hope to see u soon ;) 

My blog will be updated soon with tge features and all, it should be completed by end of the month hahah! Stay tuned, and be safe :) 

Signing off~

Raylamence 

Quick Update

Hey guys, Raylamence back here. 
So uh......Its been quite some time since I updated. Yea I;m really sorry guys, but school has been really tough these few weeks, and will be until the end of my exams. After I saw the topics tested for each subject, I literally flipped the table. There were about 10 parts to study for each of the 9 subjects I'm taking. I'm gonna die haha. 

I hope you guys like the new form of UAOF! Had my good friend Joey to help me out a bit, but I'll be updating the thing quite some more before settling for a permanent one :) Her link is somewhere in my Friend Tags so check her out :)

Just a quick update to let you guys know where I am, having studies and classes around, with planning outings getting me distracted from studying, so yea not updating that often much. I am thinking of adding pokemon memes at random times for I LOVE POKEMON, but I would still need to learn quite a bit from Joey before I can have the skillz to do so :) So bear with me fellow pokemon fans :) I officially sound like the most gay homosexual who cannot shuddap about pokemon haha.

Couple with weeks left before exams, and I am really nervous for EOY, but a couple of tips left me feeling calm. Just press the flesh between the thumb and index finger of your hand, and continue to press till u feel pain for about 10 to 15 minutes, your headache should feel better by then :) I may not be a real doctor, but little tricks like these are what makes me interested and want to find out more, so if u guys do have more little pick-me-ups leave me a comment below :)

I'm starting the blog differently as I know people really would not read blogs up to this far, so stay tuned for surprises along the way of me bringing you the best photos anyone cant find anywhere on a regular basis :)

It's 2:30 in the morning right now and I am drained, so I'm gonna hit the sack. To my friend Valerie, it's great to hear you having a crush again, and I'm really happy for you :) I also don't not often reply to my messages , I just think I sent them and in the end I didn't. Sue me. Haha!

Hitting the hay now, nights guys!
Ray signing off~

Worst times and Help

Hey guys Raylamence back here.

I know I have not been updating in a while, as school and my personal life has been really messed up these few days, so I thought I should share them with you guys.

So me and my best friends broke up our 3 year friendship over an argument they still don't understand. They think I'm angry at them for them kicking me out of WGT, but honestly I don't give a shit about it. I'm angry at them because they kept me in the dark of me not able to sing and rap for 3 years since the day we met. Thanks to WGT, they have finally opened my eyes and shown me what lies they have been feeding me all these years. If only they told me those 5 words 3 years ago, and actually understand why I'm pissed off at them, we wouldn't be in the situation today where we are cursing words and insulting each other everytime we see each other. If I couldn't even trust them to tell me the truth about something so simple about this, then how am I supposed to trust them in the future with my life?? Before our conflict, I actually trusted them with my life and everything , but yet they lied to me about this. They tell stories to me that happen to contradict each other most of the time, so I really don't know who to trust anymore. Now I can barely trust anyone because of the incident. What should I do?

So to all my readers who are experts in crushes, I would like your opinion on something. Let's say you have a girlfriend but the girl who have a on you doesn't give up and continues to mention your name in front of her friends, making them about to erupt with rage? This makes it harder and worse to hang out with them (My group of juniors) . When I do hang out with them and talk to her, she will blab all day about me to them on how I talked to her , when I hang out with them but I don't talk to her, she will blab on how I didn't talk to her , if I don't hang out with them , they will come find me and she will go on and on and on again. So what should I do? I don't want anyone to rage from irritation, ( And I do too rage as well) from this ridiculous back and forth.

Now that we got the depressing stuff out of the way, lets go on to interests. I honestly have an interest to learn anything, just give me the time and opportunity and I will learn it to the best of my ability. Trying out piano and dancing these few days, as well as starting to learn cooking by the December holidays. So now I would like to know what you guys are learning now, so I could be like you guys and maybe we could learn together :D

To my EHM who may be reading this now, this is the super long paragraph I mentioned when we were talking earlier. Ha-ha, so now I expect a paragraph dedicated to me as well :D I LIKE TRAINS DALALALALLALALALA~

To my blogger friend whose birthday have passed, I'm really sorry that I couldn't send a text or contact you. Don't worry I haven't forgotten u, but the incidents that occurred took my time and attention away from your special date :x Don't worry, I got something for u as well. :D I'll chat and meet up with u soon after I manage to bring the situation into control. Hope to see you soon :) I miss our retarded but meaningful chats before :x

Well, I'm hoping to hear you guys on your opinions, and I'll be back next month. Ray logging out ~

Emotions

Hey guys Raylamence back here.

And now I'm on the highway to hell. So to all my friends out there who are watching this, if u THINK u can make it, don't do it. I didn't manage to get a cab, and now in the bus to NUS which is probably gonna take an hour to reach.... Don't attend anything if something big is further later in the day :(

My r/s with my gf so far is sailing smooth, although I've made 2 girls hurt already with my attachment. And now one is crying saying that she so t give me up and all those crap. I don't want to hurt other girls at all, but how am I supposed to cheer them up? After all I am the cause for her depression zzzz

And to my special blogger friend reading this, its fine and all but Ur upset? Wow haha I'm touched, oh wait no this makes me sound like a douchebag. Let's just say when the moment comes, you'll find out :)

My team didn't make it for WGT ! Sad haha, but my bro Ismael did, and from now I'm really cheering him on. He got the balls to rap alone, and we helped each other to gain strength and confidence. I gotta go, a problem concerning the crying girl came up, bye guys! Think of the future!!!

Life

How long has it been since the last time I posted??
Hi guys, Raylamence back her for another blog with interesting stories to share!

From my previous posts, I commented that I would be single as long as I can, well I didn't make that promise, but since we just argued a couple of hours ago, it's not turning out well >< Hopefully ,y message got through... Well that sucks.... Just do not try to joke with a girl till the point you or her can hang up the phone, if not disaster is sure to follow ><

Sports take place all the time, which includes P.E. lessons, but it`s where accidents take place as well. During P.E. , I caused my friend`s arm to have a fracture while playing a game. Apparently he ran backwards into a steel badminton post and fell, causing the fracture. Now u might be thinking , `So y didn't u stop him ?? Omg u are like so bad` Well hey I tried to warn him, as I saw it coming from a mile away, but I was laughing at him running backwards so hard that I couldn't say it out in time, so don't judge me dick >< I'll be the lookout for danger guy next time geez

Auditions are also hot in my school now for ``Whitley`s got Talent``. But during the audition we stood there like dummies and sung, so no movement took place, therefore giving us a bad chance to make it to perform for teachers day. Hopefully we can get in, if we do, we will work hard non-stop practicing dance moves to keep up the expectations the teachers expect, if we make through anyway....

Well these stories show that since I am working hard to what I want to  achieve , so if I can do it, u can too! Raylamence, signing off

Injuries

Heyo, Ray back here!

Couple months back, I got an injury causing my foot to be fractured. It went untreated for a year, as my family didnt know of it till they saw me limping one day. It healed but cracked open again, causing me to go for surgery to heal it. And during the stay in the hospital, 2 of my friends visited me in hospital! 1 gave me cards and a small gift, while the girl I was closer to gave me a heart shapes container filled with Famos Amos! The experience was painful, both physically and mentally. Hurts physically as the fall and operation, but mentally as all of my events I couldnt attend :/ It hurts haha... And all because of me playing running man and jumping off a staircase....

So dont be an idiot like me and jump of a fvcking staircase and miscalculate the god damn jump zzzz

So here is my question for u!!
What injuries u have caused to urself? And if there are any, how they were caused? Im looking forward to see ur comments :)

Signing off
Raylamence~

Zombie Apocalypse

Hey guys, I know it looks weird for me updating so late into the night, but I want to share something with you peeps.
Anyone have a fear of zombies? I used to, 2-3 years ago.
But thanks to my friends Xavier and Zhen Bang, They help me overcame than fear and helped me embraced it. How u may ask? Well through a zombie game of L4D2!

We were out playing An online FPS together, when Xavier started to play L4D2, soon Zhen Bang also got into it, and eventually through persuasion, I got into the mass of utter destruction of killing zombies :D

So moving on, I fell in love with killing zombies so much then, that I actually dreamt of me and my bros shooting off a pack of undead , rather than my usual dream of either, food, girls or nothing :)

I passed on my love of killing zombies to my clique, and 2 of them are into it as well! We even have like a plan of what to do during a zombie apocalypse :D Zombies also made me tougher mentally, and slightly crazy psychologically, haha.

So here is my question for u bros and besties! What will u do during the zombie apocalypse? My clique and I thought of breaking into military warehouse and securing their weaponry and build a safe house? Till the whole infection dies down. So what's yours? I'm eager to hear bout all Ur awesome ideas! Ray signing off!

Signing off~
Raylamence