Afraid

Hiya guys.
Its 2.35 in the morning now, and I have school in s couple of hours.  But honestly I dont care. I'm too afraid to sleep. Rephrasing that, I'm too afraid of the future. Why?

I know that the future is tough and scary. When I was a kid, 1 week ago, I used to think that I could do anything in the world and not be afraid of it as it wont affect my future. Now, I'm terrified knowing that my future is totally dependent on my grades. The fact that my English tutor tells me stories of how cruel and unfair life is when trying to get a job is not exactly comforting. Not to mention I have to go through the army. Honestly speaking, I admit I'm a coward. Im afraid of almost anything. Studies,  jump scares,  and most importantly, my future. How am I gonna live my life in the future?

My Chinese teacher expects my answer of whether if I would like to drop to basic mother tongue, therefore my grades during O'levels wouldn't be that affected. But I have worked so hard. I didnt want to give uo now! However,  I do not have the courage to tell her into the face, as her tall order of learning her spelling of 20 phrases in 2 days is impossible for me. Me being a F student in Chinese really gives us asians a bad image. Im sorry. Although in the future I will be able to learn those words, now they are nothing but a 10 feet tall wall and all I have is a stool to help me get over. Hoing around doesn't help either with viscous beasts at the side making sure I do not take the easy path. Eventually Ms...teacher. (Sorry paiseh I forgot your name) I'll get over that wall, but now I'll just sit on this side first.

I somehow remembered that twitter existed and visited a couple of tweets by friends and pages. Found hers in accident,  and I have honestly nothing to say. Especially to see that you would be in a fake r/s just so I would be able to let go. Just think for yourself from now on. I'm fine on my own. Our conversations are ending bitter due to my own doing. I just cant bear msging you.
Life isn't fair. So we have to earn for our happiness.

Sad to hear that kampung is closing down . V , I thought u and D are super close since you two made out with each other. So what is going on? I dont msg or see u often at all so I'm pretty lost. What are u aiming for in life? I would like your answer on that. Also, send regards to your cousin. Its been awhile since we had a chat :))

My clique breaking up already.  I dont know what is happening to them. The E3 clique seems much more happy and united that I wish I was a part of them. They really display true teamwork and friendship. But I cant abandon my E2 clique as well. We worked hard together during events. But that achievement isn't what I expected as compared to now, it doesn't help my clique bond. Now we are drifting.  Hahah what should I do?

2 hours to go , im gonna get some rest. Nights!

Life on start of school

Life of a O level student is crazy as hell. I wonder how am I supposed to survive? Crashed with cca duties, homework,  the fact that my teacher is suggesting I drop to Basic Mother tongue so I can focus more on my math, figuring out that my D&T O level is gonnna require 7 months of preparation and that is still not enough,  my math teacher still not able to understand as she is the same teacher as my year before,  and my Chinese is the one whom all claims to be the worst teacher for MT. Not forgetting my goal of finding a scholarship overseas and aiming for a university.  My life as a human will be gone before I know as myself.  I wonder how all my seniors made past this ordeal?

Anyways, its a new record fot me to cry on the second day of school due to my juniors. The fact that their problem is similar to what my seniors had. I wasnt able to protect my senior then so I didnt want to see that happening to my juniors.  But I guess because of my own rashness I acted on impulse.  My emotions got the best of mr and tears started forming. Eventually thr prefectorial board got to know and somehow got involved as well. Wow life is not starting out good for me.

The fact that I am caught in this unfair world make me wonder on everyone who have survived this ordeal and got to the top. How did they do it? Why can t I? Bah it gives me a headache just thinking about it.

Luckily I know that Im not alone. I still have friends who are probably having tge same mindset as me. So let us all work hard together!